**SIGH**

Hello Dear friends and family..im sad to have to report that my second pregnancy test was a big fat negative.. I actually started spotting the day after my test on the 24th..thanksgiving day..I got a heavier flow late that evening...and Friday was a full on heavy flow..I was soo sad..I called the fertility nurse on Friday because I was supposed to go in and get the second pregnancy test done that day. I told the nurse that my period had started and if i still needed to come in. She said yes and that I could wait until like Saturday to get it done. I went in on Saturday at my regular clinic's lab to get it done..the nurse specified for the lab to fax the results over right away and of course as always they did not..so I had to wait until Monday to get the results..Monday the nurse called me and confirmed..negative..my beta HCG levels had dropped down to 3..eck...well I guess at that point I sort of expected it..but a little part of me still held on to the hope of maybe I was shedding one embryo and the other one was taking a little longer to implant..and I could still be pregnant.. ahhh I was just kidding myself I know..oh well... big sigh to all of that..time to move on.

This past Thursday I got a call from my fertility Dr. it was very nice of her to call and check up on me..she wanted to tell me she was thinking of me and to say she was sorry that we didn't get pregnant and answer any questions I might have..I asked her if maybe I didn't absorb the Progesterone well enough to help maintain the pregnancy since i decided to switch to suppositories from the shots..they never tested my progesterone levels to check if I was absorbing or getting enough Progesterone..she told me that it was very unlikely that some clinics do test and some don't..that is isnt a standard practice in some clinics..I don't know she sounded very sure that it was unlikely that I wasn't getting enough progesterone...its was probably nature deciding that the embryos were not good enough to make babies...mostly they don't really know why some don't take. :( Oh and I asked her quickly about putting in the three frozen embryos and she of course strongly was against it..so we will see..we may only put in 2.

I'm doing okay now..was feeling depressed there for a while..it was really hard to suppress my tears and to hide my obvious disappointment and heart break...but feel like im okay now...I spoke to a counselor that the clinic offers...and she helped some....I am still sad about it and tear up on occasion especially when I allow myself to go back and think about it....but like my other two pregnancy losses I am learning to deal with it..I can work on trying to move on..I still think about them and get really sad..of course..because I think wow that could of been our two kids if they would of been normal pregnancies..we would have two kids by now...oh well....we have a couple more tries.. the third try, which will be for our single frozen embryo, will be with much financial sacrifice since we are only covered for one frozen embryo transfer if the fresh transfer didnt work. But well we will have to see..its too far out to even think about it now. I need to focus on my first Frozen Embryo Transfer..I made an appointment to see my Dr. again on January the 9th...so we can start preparations for it.. For the month of DEC I am just going to not worry about it and just enjoy my month off ;)..we are also going to speak to someone at some point about the adoption process...hopefully they can guide us on successfully adopting Domestically or Internationally..if we are not successful this second time around...till next time. Aracely

TWAS A VERY DISAPPOINTING DAY..

So I went in on Wednesday the 23rd early in the morning to have blood drawn for my pregnancy test and was soo relieved that the day was finally here..my stomach was in knots and was on my last nerve..but I didn't cheat before with an at home pregnancy test..I wanted to but thought why put myself through disappointment twice if it is negative..and I had waited soo long whats a couple of weeks. That day early afternoon I got the call from the nurse..finally..I was really heart broken to hear that I am possibly not pregnant. So my beta HCG levels, which is what the embryos give off once they've successfully implanted in the uterine wall, was 7 very very low...they consider an absolute negative when it is at 5 or below...;( ...she believes that it is a chemical pregnancy:

Definition 

A chemical pregnancy occurs when an embryo does not implant properly. The embryo produces enough HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) to be detected on the beta HCG blood test and sensitive uterine pregnancy home tests, but because it does not develop normally, the pregnancy doe not occur.

Causes of a chemical pregnancy:

The commonest cause is a genetic abnormality in the embryo, and nature prevents this abnormal embryo from developing any further. Genetic abnormalities can be because of multiple factors, but most of them are random and unpredictable.

I was instructed to come in on Friday morning to test again to see which direction the levels are going..once they are below 5 then they can determine that the pregnancy will not occur. The nurse informed me that sometimes the levels start out low in a normal pregnancy but usually they see the levels at 20 or 30 to start not 7... I am on the lowest end... 

Whats next you say? Well we have one last chance at it..our IVF package covers one frozen embryo transfer...if the fresh IVF cycle was not successful...we have three frozen embryos that I am seriously considering having them all put in to increase our chances of at least one of them implanting successfully. Ideally I wanted those extra embryos for siblings but at this point I am hoping for at least one child to come out of this whole experience... I am not sure what my Dr. will say about putting all three in ..I am taking the chance for all three to implant..soo im very nervous about that... I don't know, at my age, if my body can handle being pregnant with triplets...that really scares me..I dont foresee us having the money to be able to transfer our last embryo that we will have left if I have only two put back...well decisions decisions..this is tough..for now I am going to worry about what is right in front of me..the 2nd pregnancy test on Friday...

EMBRYO TRANSFER

Ahh the day finally came...soo much work to get to this point...was excited...It was relatively painless just uncomfortable but painless..My mom and I were able to see the embryos in the dish through a microscope..pretty cool they were the two embryos that were 8cells each grades A & A- ...which are very good ..I was informed by the embryologist that out of the 31 eggs removed 16 were fertilized and only 5 were worthy of keeping..2 were put back into me and only 3 were frozen. Crazy! Incredible out of soo many eggs only 5 were good. That kinda made me sad..not sure why...

I am recovering nicely..not bad..I am feeling kinda beat up...exhausted..this whole process is soooo draining in every way! I am proud of myself that I endured through it and am here now at the end of the process...it was pretty rough no doubt. I am now only on Progesterone..if the embryos stick around it will help support the pregnancy...I gave up the shots because they were ridiculously painful..and opted for suppositories..a little messy but better for me...I don't have to depend on anyone anymore to administer the medicine...my mom is happy! lol...I am anxiously awaiting the day when we can confirm whether I am pregnant or not..Nov 23rd is the day...I have decided not to cheat before and avoid testing myself before the 23rd..it will be hard to stick to that..we shall she if I will do it or not...I am going to try to be patient and whatever the outcome will have to deal. 

Me ready in my hospital gown waiting for the nurse to come back..:)

 My mom all suited up ready to go..lol..

This video is not very good footage(sorry) but you can hear some of what is being said...the room was fairly dark so my Mom had trouble getting a good picture...on the ultrasound screen too its hard to see what is going on on there..... I was really close to it and barely was able to tell or see the catheter when it went up into my cervix or the tube that went in with the embryos and when the Dr. dropped them into my cervix.....darn! oh well!

This video is when we were all done..I was soo afraid of moving too much cause i was afraid that they would fall out...you can see when everyone laughs that's when I said it..lol...

HOW MANY EGGS??

Soo finally Egg Retrieval came and went and I survived! I am still in a bit of pain and walking slowly and it hurts if I move a lot or cough.. Today though I feel that the swelling has come down a bit..Omg I was soo nervous that morning... soo anticipating that day..everyone that was there to take care of me though were wonderful..soo attentive and nice. It really helped me to relax some.

 I checked in at 8:15 and was prepped ..I went in at 9:30am they walked me in to the "surgery" room and my first impression of the bed was of a torture device..it had a place for your arms to rest outstretched with cuffs that strapped your arms tight to them...the place where they put your legs looked very uncomfortable..it looked like your legs are propped up high and spread out...man! Well good thing that shortly after they laid me down they let go of the anesthesia and I just started to feel relaxed and dizzy..and whoop fell asleep quickly..soo didnt really get a chance to freak out...lol...

The procedure I understand took like 20 min..very quickly in an out..there were two other couples there too having an egg retrieval and a frozen embryo transfer so my doctor was busy that morning...the recovery/prep rooms were divided by curtains soo you can hear everything they said..I learned that the couple that had done IVF and were there for their retrieval only were able to produce 4 eggs...I felt sad that they only had 4 of them...but they still have a chance with four! I wish them the best and hope that they are successful :)...Me on the other hand had a crazy basket full of eggs! I had 31 eggs removed..wow! that is a lot I think that is why I feel soo sore and in pain still because since I had soo many they did a lot more poking around and soo my insides are really beat up...I really hope that I feel myself again come Saturday for my embryo transfer...Cause right now I cant handle any more poking around in there.

Yay finally got the call today from the embryologist and she informed me that we have 16 embryos! 11 fertilized normally by my hubby's sperm (good job little guys!) and 5 done with ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI): A test-tube fertilization procedure in which a sperm is injected directly into an egg to achieve fertilization. ICSI is done for male infertility. Babies conceived by ICSI have no more major birth defects or delays in development than children conceived by natural means)...my doctor suggested this after my husband had a semen analysis during our preliminary testing and we discovered that he had borderline low motility (in other words Lazy Sperm) ..so my Dr. thought that we should have this available in case the sperm, at the time of egg retrieval, dont look like they will be able to fertilize the eggs...she wasn't too worried about the sperm fertilizing the eggs because I had already gotten pregnant twice..she felt that it could have been the reason why it took me soo long to get pregnant those two times.. she advised us to at least use it on some of the eggs..just in case...but lo and behold! they did their job after all! they fertilized 11 eggs!..Awesome! For me now its about taking it easy and recovering from the egg retrieval..I want to be ready and strong to welcome our little bundles into my womb on Sat.. ;) I will post again and let you know how the transfer went..ciao!

BOY THAT IS A LOT OF EGGS IN MY BASKET!

Retrieval is upon us...ahhh I am pretty nervous...this past weekend I had back to back blood tests and ultrasounds...man it was hard to get through that..they scheduled me to come in soo early! Since I started the Follicle stimulating hormones I have had blood draws and ultrasounds almost every day for the past week and a half..grueling! My veins hurt and are somewhat bruised...I feel soo mentally exhausted and now am feeling it on my body..well we are moving along nicely regardless of how im feeling..lol..I am soo grateful to have gotten this far in one piece and with minimal side effects... I am exhausted but I am going to fight through it because I have to finish this... :) We still have to get through the HCG shot in the butt, the Retrieval and Egg Transfer...My schedule has been and will be as follows until end of my  IVF cycle:

11/05/11 - Blood Draw & Ultrasound 

Estrogen Levels 2714

Left ovary follicle count:

17 big follicles(bunch of little ones too small to really count them all)

Right ovary follicle count:

12 big follicles (bunch of little ones)

Was instructed to reduce the Follistim to 200 units &  Lupron 5 units

11/06/11 - Blood Draw & Ultrasound

Estrogen levels 4186

Double the amount of Follicles from Saturday (that is a lot of eggs! the Dr. said that women usually only produce and ovulate one egg a menstrual cycle normally..crazy!)

Reduced Follistim to 150units/Lupron 5units (LAST DAY of poking my belly!!)

11/07/11 - Blood Draw & Ultrasound

Estrogen levels 5628

Day of HCG shot in the butt scheduled it for 10:30pm (ahhh!)

11/8/11 - Have to get another blood test done...the nurse informed me today that the sample I gave them on Nov 1st (which was going to be to test estrogen levels and something else) had clotted and wasn't any good for the second test....(nothing to do with my blood but it was just somehow damaged and could not be used)...I guess they were able to get the estrogen level test done but not the other one..ugh!!! really?? I was hoping to have two days rest from blood draws until my Retrieval but I guess not! sheesh..seriously..im soo tired of those blood draws..well my veins are for sure.. and they couldn't of gotten the blood from today's draw? God give me strength ! :( 

11/09/11 - Egg Retrieval Day! scheduled for 9:30am..soo nervous for this day!!

11/10/11 - Start on the Progesterone sesame oil

11/12/11 - Day 3 Embryo Transfer 

11/16/11 - Post-operative visit at 11:20am

11/23/11 - Test to confirm pregnancy!!

Crazy schedule right? phew!

ALMOST TIME FOR THE HEN TO BE HARVESTED..

Oh my goodness! we are close to retrieval time! I went in on the 27th for my pre-stimulating blood test (to monitor my Estrogen levels) and ultrasound (to check follicle growth and count)..I was on my 11th day of Lupron injections (10units) by then..a long 11 days! Since my visit on the 27th my schedule of office visits went as follows:

Oct 27th: Pre-stimulation ultrasound and blood test.. Estrogen level was at 10 (nice and low) and was instructed to reduce Lupron to 5units and add the Follistim (225units) & Menopur(75units) injections. My Dr. found no cysts on my ovaries phew! that was great news!

Oct 31st: Blood test to check Estrogen levels..they were at 210..good.. instructed to continue with same dosage of all three meds

Nov 1st: Blood test and ultrasound...estrogen levels were at 385..progress!..Dr. found my follicles still too small to count...instructed to continue with same dosage of all three meds.

Nov 3rd: Blood test and ultrasound..estrogen levels jumped to 1176..yikes!..Dr. said that the follicles were growing nicely...was intructed to stop using the Menopur and only take the Follistim and Lupron...

I forgot to ask the Dr. how big the follicles were at that point...I had a bit of an emotional moment when he finished...I started crying...ahhh embarrassing! I guess I had one too many blood draws and trans vaginal ultrasounds at that point...I had been trying to be strong and I just lost it a bit.....I guess I was extra sensitive today more than other days...oh well they understand how it is I suppose..us girls undergoing IVF cycles are soo pumped up with hormones and we have people coming at us from all directions wanting to poke and prod you that its expected for some to loose it at times..after all we are only human...

I am soo aware of my ovaries right now..they feel big..and my belly is swollen...Its pretty uncomfortable when I try to bend forward or when I am sitting..im glad to be off the Menopur the needle seems like it was thicker than the other two and it hurt like a mother!...Cant wait till I have to get the HCG and Progeterone shots...ack!...Saturday I have another blood test and ultrasound and I understand that at that time they mayb be telling me when they are going to want to schedule the Retrieval...soo it can happen anytime next week. I am feeling excited and nervous of course to be at the tail end of this process...it took some doing but I got to this point and am proud that I toughed it out (so far ;)..still got a little ways to go but almost done...

I tried to find some funny IVF humor on google to share but really only found these few which I thought were funny and/or cute...

Why cant I figure this video posting thing!!

Okay soo below you will see in a separate post my video..weird the blogger wouldn't let me insert my video directly into my initial posting to keep it all together.. i tried to figure it out but it just wouldnt let me..oh well ..the video is kinda funny cause as I am recording it I am feeling kinda silly talking into the camera and you can tell..oh well! check out my cat pajama pants and my braids...nice huh?...Im really stylin for the camera .. :) lol

Giving Myself the Lupron Injection

FLIPPIN OVARIES!?

Monday the 10th I went in for an ultrasound to get my cervix mapped out for the embryo transfer and to check the condition of my ovaries...all went well and was given the go ahead from my Dr. for the next phase which is the injectable medication....I feel relatively good..im mostly sleepy all the time and a bit fatigued...I have noticed that I am dreaming a lot...I dont usually dream and now Im having weird and detailed dreams everynight....weird.....I dont have the nausea anymore...yay(for now) ...only thing is my boobs are soo sore! ouch!...anyhow im glad to have things going along... :)

Soo my mom and I attended the Injection training on Monday the 10th it was interesting..it was outside of my comfort zone.... I actually had to get two (saline filled) practice shots...not expected...the butt one hurt a bit..like a sting...my mom gave me that one (she really did not want to give me the shot, she was sweatin and said "ahhh I really didnt want to poke you!" but she did it! lol) .. the one I have to give myself was nothing...didnt feel a thing..it was more the anticipation and nervousness that had been building up than what it actually really is once i gave it to myself..lol..but the anticipation and the idea of having to poke myself right then and there made me sweat a little nonetheless...hee hee...

I was hoping that I would still be able to be active while on the meds because I get really restless and axious if I dont at least walk for like 40min either outside or on the threadmill... but interestingly enough I learned something in injection class that will prevent me from being too active...the most I will be able to do is go for a slow walk in the mall or around the block...and the teacher still discouraged that..she said "you wont want to, believe me, you will really feel your ovaries with everystep"...oh boy!.....I will be restricted because your ovaries are twice the size they are normally and are heavier when on the medication and are at risk of flipping over...huh? never thought that was even possible..if they flip, it will cut off blood flow to the ovaries and I will then need to have emergency surgery to flip them back..I could potentially loose the ovary that flipped if they don't get to it in time...and its life threatening too I understand..ehk.....that is just a scary thought ...right?...women that develop large cysts are also at risk of their ovaries flipping that is why they must have the cysts removed before they get too big.....I tried to look this up online but I was surprised that there really isn't much info about "ovary flipping"  online... well I only really googled it once.. I didn't really search any where else...cause I try to limit my reading online about stuff like this...I had a hard time reading my consent packet before signing...I had to though....I was pretty traumatized after that...its chock full of risks and complications and everything that can go wrong (which we all know we can't control) it makes me terribly nervous and I rather not get into it and just take it as I go day by day ..so anyways I will not be able to do much of anything in terms of exercising but in this case I will have to comply ;) I am trying to be all about relaxing and just trying to think about myself and not taking on too many things that may stress me out right now..what I do is try to nurture myself & sooth myself by eating comfort food, watching my favorite disney movies..and keeping my environment positive and happy and keeping my mind as busy as possible with other things..preferably positive thoughts..lol....i know sounds weird...especially for a 36 year old woman the disney movies part hee hee..I have fond memories of me and my sister watching two of our favorite ones..Bedknobs & Broomsticks and The Sword in the Stone...love those two...Im still a kid at heart..... everyone has their own way that they have to create to get through this process. :) My cats also help soothe me they are my personal de-stressers even before I started this process..they are soo loving ...I just tap my chest while lying in bed and one of them jumps on top and starts purring and snuggles with me..soo cute..yes I love cats! their purrs and love is soo relaxing! Cats are very soothing... lol....

Meet our kitties..the long haired Calico is Callie (aka sassy, noonie & chachi) ..the Linx Point Siamese is Molly (aka Noodles) ..and the Russian Blue looking one is Gizmo (aka Gizzy)


Here Noodles & Gizzy look like they were up to no good and got caught..lol

 Here I had had a long day at work and was soo happy to be home I saw Gizzy and just grabbed him and snuggled him..and managed to take a picture of us before he wiggled free .. ;)

 This is hilarious..I love to see when he drapes on the chair and just hangs there...he looks soo funny..he is our  jokester and sometimes does things that have us laughing out loud...

 Noodles was a feral cat before she came to us..we trapped her in a parking lot of a business building over by the Walmart when she was about 3 months old...we turned her around but she was still affected and her behaviors are a little crazy sometimes...I believe she will always be that way..soo she is our special kitty who needs extra love, care and understanding....she is still quite skittish but most of the time she is a loving and sweet cat.. when she isnt freaking out...this is her favorite spot to be in draped on my leg ;)

 Here is our Sassy...goodness she is the princess cat..very attached to me ..she walks around sashaying(sp?) her tail around following me everywhere..love her..this is the spot I find her in most of the time..she is soo spoiled ;) She is the one that likes to snuggle a lot!

So I am finally off the pill! yay completed that part of the treatment on Sat 22nd..its a small victory I know but its all mine! And Im happy to not have to take them anymore... Now gotta get through the next phase....the injections!..ugh...I recorded a little video of me giving myself the Lupron injection...its been really easy now since I am on the 10th day of taking this medication...it wasnt really at first....thought I would loose it there a few times...I've gotten really good at giving it to myself...practice makes perfect!..I start on the Follicle stimulating meds on Friday the 28th and will be increasing my injections to three a day for about 10 days...ack...im nervous about the Follistim Pen...it intimidates me....it seems like a fairly complicated gadget that you dont want to use it wrong cause you will give yourself too much medication or not enough....why couldnt they just give me a regular needle! Those are easy! Anyways I will master it im sure ;)...I go in tomorrow Thursday to get a blood test and ultrasound done to check the progress..ta ta for now!

ITS SHOW TIME!

ahhh soo I finally got my period..wow it was late! I got it on Sat Oct 1st...its weird because I felt such a happiness and relief when I finally saw signs of it..never felt like that about my period before..lol ...I started on the pill on Monday and it was a bit rough symptom wise until like Thursday I didn't really feel the nausea or the shakiness too much anymore after that day...the first few days I felt gross, today I felt like I lacked good circulation in my legs but its gone now.. don't know if its associated with taking the pill..but being a big hypocondriact (sp?)..I tend to imagine some of what im feeling....anyways *rolling my eyes at myself*.. I have never in my life taken any sort of birth control medication so I was worried about how I would react...I think my body is sort of used to it now.. maybe.....

I have found that, even before I started taking the pill, drinking the water of young coconuts seems to soothe my tummy...and I feel nourished at the same time...I love it and the meat is soo delicious too with chili, lime & salt...ahhh delicious...yeah the chili, lime and salt do not soothe the stomach but its soo good ;)... I buy 2 or 3 coconuts to drink/eat each Friday after work at one of the local Asian markets as a treat to myself...I wish I could have one everyday but i'd have to buy a lot and they are almost 2 dollars each..and they dont keep for past a day...so I am good with doing it every Friday ;)...thanks to my cousin Belen for the introduction to these delicious and nourshing coconuts <3

This week I finally got my IVF schedule to follow..of course they hadnt given it to me since we were waiting for my darn period to start before they can give me actual dates to follow..this is what it will look like for the next two months or so:

10/01/11 - Period Start
10/03/11 - Cycle day three, start on Birth Control
10/10/11 - Sign IVF consents, Baseline Ultrasound (ack! that wonderful transvaginal ultrasound) w/Catheter check
10/10/11 -  Injection training at 5pm that day
10/17/11 - Start on the Lupron medication 10 units between 7-9pm
10/22/11 - Last day of Birth control pill
10/25/11 - Expect period, very little bleeding or none at all is expected
10/27/11 - Pre-Stimulation ultrasound and blood test.
10/28/11 - Need to reduce Lupron to 5 units between 7-9 pm
10/28/11 - Start on the Follistim 225 units + One vial of Menopur in the evening 7-9pm

*The following dates are only estimates. Scheduling will vary based on my follicular growth..

11/06/11 - HCG injection. Need to stop Lupron, Follistim & Menopur, when instructed, take HCG "trigger" injection at exact time directed.
11/08/11 - Egg Retrieval..(eek! yes very nervous about this procedure..I dont like to undergo "surgical like" procedures..shivers...but I guess who does! lol )
11/09/11 - Start on the Progesterone 1ml every evening
11/??/11 - Embryo Transfer..(double eek! very important day.. our fertilized eggs will be going back in the womb as embryos ready to grow into little babies <3 )
11/??/11 - Post retrieval visit
11/??/11 - Blood test to confirm pregnancy (ahh looking soo forward to this day! Praying its a positive!)

Seems like I am going to be on a tight schedule for the next month or so...im already really tired just reading it ...This coming Monday my Mom, Husband and I will be going to the injection training...this should be interesting..lol..im sure we will get good laughs out of that..cause that is how we roll...hee hee..soo right now I am just trying to take it easy, eating well, trying to remember to take my prenatal vitamins (cause those horse pills are not easy to take..for me anyway :D ), sleeping good and trying to get my exercise in (walking for 40 min or so everyday at least)..helps clear my mind and I feel relaxed when I go for a walk...I am trying to not think of what's to come and take it day to day..cause I will drive myself crazy and end up a nervous wreck...I know If I dont keep somewhat busy I will give way to my tendency to worry about all of the "what ifs"... I know I cannot control anything good or bad that's to come so I need to take it one day at a time...for sanity's sake..pray all goes well...ok well im feeling a bit tired and nauseous right now..so I am going to go lie down... ta ta for now! Aracely

WOW THAT'S A LOT OF NEEDLES!

Hi all finally made myself sit down on our hm computer long enough to update my blog...I sit all day in front of the computer at work its really hard to get motivated to get on it once I'm home :(...

So Saturday the 3rd I got all of my meds in the mail...  All $3K+ worth of them...normally one would shop around to try to get better prices from different pharmacies and you really do save ...and I know I could of gotten them cheaper...(note*: you don't want to go too cheap..cause the quality of the meds becomes questionable..and you don't want to wonder if the IVF procedure didn't work because of bad meds.. you have to think, of course for your safety first, then you are putting a lot of money towards this process..so you wanna go with reputable IVF clinics, pharmacies and have the best quality products so you don't have to wonder)...well in our case we were not able to buy the meds on our own (even though I shopped around they were still too high to pay for them ourselves) and had to add the cost of the meds to the financing.. so the finance ppl  picked out the pharmacy... that brought the financed total to around $16K..for the IVF procedure and the meds.... wow IVF is expensive no doubt and that doesn't include all the preliminary testing that both my husband and I had to get...anyways that weekend I got the meds, we had my sister visiting and her delicious triplet boys...ahhh they are soo adorable words cannot describe! I am a proud Auntie :)...just had to add that in ;)..,  and I hadn't had the time to check out all the stuff... I opened the box immediately that day of course because I knew that some meds you have to refrigerate right away...I went back to the box several days later and was freaked out by all the meds & needles! ack! ..(For those of you who do not know me well I am notorious for freakin out a lot..lol ).....I thought how funny & ironic that I have always tried my best to avoid needles cause I am such a chicken when it comes to them and now I have an abundance of needles I will  have to use and possibly have to give myself the injections....ahhhh crazy! Ok enough about the needles already!

Just for fun :) I listed my prescription below..and also listed what it will be used for and the cost of each..

>Leuprolide Acetate: (need one 2 week kit, its one vial and 14 syringes) cost: $129 ea
>Follistim AQ Cartridge: (need one 300IU) cost: $277.98ea (need two 900IU) cost: $834.97ea (this medicine comes with a fancy pen where you just dial your dose and give yourself the medicine..like an epi pen)
>Menopur: (need 10) cost: $72.98ea
>HCG: (need 1) cost: $79.98ea
>Progesterone: (need 2) cost: $39.87ea
<Syringes: (60 total) cost: $.29ea (yeah couldn't they have thrown these in for free?)

What they will be used for:

*BIRTH CONTROL PILL: of course we know what this one does ;)
*LEUPROLIDE ACETATE: Supression of the Petuitary to prevent ovulation
*FOLLISTIM AQ: Help ovaries to develop more mature eggs
*MENOPUR: Stimulates ovaries to grow mature follicles(eggs) (I believe this will be used in conjunction with the Follistim)
*HCG: This is called the "trigger", it helps complete the maturing of the eggs when its time to collect them in the egg retrieval.
*PROGESTERONE IN SESAME OIL: Supports implantation of the embryo, helps maintain a pregnancy.

Okay so I'm still waiting for my period..ugh! Funny for the past 7 years every month I found myself running to the bathroom hoping that my period wouldn't come ha ha and this month its the opposite..thanks Jonalyn for pointing that out...lol funny :)... My PMS symptoms are more intense than ever this month..maybe cause im getting old and my cycles are changing? .don't know why...maybe my anxiety is high cause I'm stressing over it not coming..I have been feeling discomfort in my abdomen that is familiar from when I had my first ectopic pregnancy.....not as intense as then ...but ugh oh God please not another ectopic pregnancy!..It also could just be my digestive system when its out of whack the symptoms are very similar to what It felt with the ruptured ectopic without the bleeding and intense abdominal pain...I'm freakin out a bit cause its still possible since I still have a long enough piece of my right tube left in there...I checked to see if I was pregnant.. I had one more pregnancy test left from the bulk purchase I made from a Canadian store online http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/ that my OBGYN recommended... they have good prices on TTC (trying to conceive) products...pregnancy tests that are like $.50cents each...its crazy how much one stinking pregnancy test costs at the stores here or an ovulation kit...I still used the pregnancy test anyway that I had left, which expired Jan 2011.....hmm can it still be good even though it expired 9 months ago? hmm maybe not maybe yes...but it was nicely sealed?....it showed I wasn't pregnant ..so I doubt im pregnant ..and in regards to it being an ectopic pregnancy I also doubt it cause I don't have the bleeding or intense abdominal pain..... but we still shall see ..its not over till my "normal" aunt flo comes to visit ;)

As we get closer to actually starting the process I am feeling increasingly scared and nervous...there are soo many things that we need to decide on and many scary possible risks that we were informed about and made aware of....one thing we are really struggling with is what to do with our left over embryos... Say we are successful the first time and we have a baby or two..I know that we will want to use two more to get pregnant again to complete our family...and if we are successful then again...whichever ones are left we have to decide to either destroy them, donate them to research or give them up for adoption... hmm hard decision..to destroy them hurts because its a potential baby that I am destroying and I will/had gone through soo much trying to create these precious potential beings I just don't know if I could do it...same feeling to donate to research..not sure about that either...and as for adopting them out I feel like I would always wonder and be tormented of the possibility of one of our children being out there not knowing how they are doing...hmm...my sister sent me a link to a couple's blog who they successfully gave birth to a baby boy with an adopted embryo I assume that since it was an open adoption the donors of the embryo(s) are able to keep in touch and know how the baby is doing/growing...I didn't know that an open adoption would be an option with embryo adoption...that is probably the only way I/we could possibly consider donating our embryo(s) for adoption...I think I personally would need to know whether any of the embryos became babies...and who had them and how they were growing/doing. I don't think I could just give them up and forget about them. Well enough rambling on for today :) lots to think about.. Till next time, Aracely

OH MAN...WE ARE A GO...

So today we found out that we got the financing for IVF ..I just got the contract emailed to me and will be signing and making it official...Im trying to feel excited and happy right now, but I mostly find that I am concerned, worried,  fearful and nervous...*sigh*  IVF will possibly bring us the family we have been longing for and have been waiting for 7 years now...I suppose its normal,  I was mentally & emotionally  in another place back when we first started this baby making journey 7 years ago...I felt whole, strong and full of optimism...now after 7 years of soo much disappointment, I feel it has slowly chipped that wholeness, strength and optimism away..if that makes any sense....soo now I feel more fragile emotionally & mentally....I certainly didnt think that I would have to face such a difficult process just to have a Baby ...and expensive at that.. even before its conceived!... :( I am thankful though that we do at least have this option that we can try...and this financing has officially made it a reality and a possibility :).. I hope to find my strength & optimism again...and get through this one day at a time...I know I will have the support of my close friends and family which is very encouraging...Love you guys! I will need you soo much more than ever!

Now we are just waiting for my next cycle to start, which is around the 14th or so of Sept. I will then start taking birth control pills and I am going to be on them for about 3 weeks. Within that time I have a couple tests that need to be scheduled and we need to go in to get injection training...I am hoping that I dont have to give them to myself and either my mom or my husband can do them...but I still need to know how to do it just in case...I found out that most of the needles that I will be using are only about 1/2 inch long..not bad....the longest one I will need to use is 1 1/2 inches long..that one needs to be given on my bum...lol....and someone has to give it to me cause I wont be able to do it myself...well again now its just waiting for my period to come and we can start the process. Aracely

TEST RESULTS ARE IN...

So we went in to review the results of all the tests with my fertility Dr. and all came back good...only two things that they found was my glucose test was slightly above normal 101 it should be below 100..so now I have to get a fasting 2hr glucose test ..which is just drawing blood once, drinking a sugary drink, then two hours later drawing blood again. The dr says its necessary in order to know exactly how well my body processes sugar because it can cause a list of problems such as miscarriage..higher risk of developing genstational diabetes etc...eek! Another thing they found was my good cholesterol is slightly low and can be improved with regular excercise.. :( I know I really need to do that more often! This one will fortunately not affect the process its just something that I should really improve for good overall health. Aracely

TESTING PHASE OVER...

So we finally got the testing phase over . I can stop fretting over what they are going to be doing to me next..I guess for now hee hee... I have had numerous tests done..mostly blood work..since there were soo many blood tests that needed to be done I had soo much blood drawn at once that I almost passed out..eek! that was not a good day...ugh!.....This past Monday I got an SHG (Sonohysterogram) test done..they use a catheter and put a saline solution into your cervix while using an ultrasound machine to check the cervix's condition.. they determine if my cervix is nice and clean w/out any things that may prevent implantation of the embryo ...suprisingly it wasnt as painful as the HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) for me that one was very painful. :(......anyhow glad to report that my cervix as the Dr. , that was performing the test, stated was "beautiful"..lol. ..that is wonderful news cause after all this is where I will be carrying my baby(ies) :)...we now have to meet with the Fertility Dr. to go over the test results and find out what IVF treatment is best for my case. We will be meeting with her on August 9th  ..ahhh Im anxious, but when am I not now adays, I want to get this process going! Well until next time! CIAO!

The Initial Consultation...

So today I had my initial consultation with my fertility Dr...I thought she was very nice and seemed very compassionate..you certainly need to be. I know I have become increasingly emotionally fragile since we started trying 6 years ago...seems like anything really related to this issue sets me off.... I would definitely need for my Dr. to be understanding, compassionate and patient. ;) Well my appt went well we talked about the process and what to expect. She is optimistic that we will be successful in getting pregnant...based on my history. I pray that all goes well and there aren't any set backs as we go. She explained the process further to us which was great. We were informed that the process will take about 6 weeks. I will go on birth control pills for about 3 weeks that is to ensure that the follicles(eggs) are the same size..I will then have to take Follicle stimulating medication, which I will have to inject three times a day for I think 14 days, that will then force the ovaries to grow the eggs to maturity. Once the eggs are fully formed and mature, they will go in vaginally with a long needle pierce through the wall in there to reach my ovaries. Then they begin to collect as many eggs as they can. Once that is done then in a lab they meet the eggs and sperm and wait 24 hrs to determine which ones are fertilized. Then they monitor them for 3 or 4 days more to see which ones have multiplied and are good hardy ebryos. Once that is established the transfer is scheduled...usually they only use two of them and the rest (if there are any very good embryos) they will freeze them for another cycle. Sounds sort of simple? Im definitely sure it will not be! I am not under estimating how taxing this process can be emotionally & on your body. I have an appt on June the 2nd to talk to someone regarding the financial aspect of IVF..hopefully securing financing at that time. On June 9th I have my physical then hopefully all is well with my system and we can begin the process...eekk nervous! Soo blessed and grateful I have my hubby and family to give me emotional support through this. Will keep you posted on how these two appointments go and the results!
Ciao! Aracely

Hello and welcome to my blog..

I got this blog idea from my sister who 8 months ago gave birth to identical triplet boys!...naturally conceived ..she & her husband created a blog so we can all follow in her pregnancy, birth and so on....I wanted to start this blog in hopes of finding other women who I can relate to and who are going or have been through what I have and will be going through..and to share my/our journey with my friends and family, who some I don’t see often and are not near :)….please excuse my grammar, punctuation & spelling and soo on…

I have been married 9 years now to my wonderful husband Mike ;).  We both decided to start trying to have a baby 2 years after we got married that was in 2004. From 2004 to 2011 I was able to get pregnant twice and unfortunately both were ectopic pregnancies. I consequently lost my entire left tube and part of the right one..Doctors informed me that I would not be able to get pregnant naturally..that IVF would be the only way to go. Now its May of 2011 and am about to embark on this journey. I have been through alot since we started this whole baby making thing 6+yrs ago and have many different emotions going on inside of me. I am hopeful & cautiously optimistic about the outcome of this process. We hope to get funding for the procedure soon and I will be attending the first IVF consultation with the fertility Dr. this month. Till next time! Aracely