**SIGH**

Hello Dear friends and family..im sad to have to report that my second pregnancy test was a big fat negative.. I actually started spotting the day after my test on the 24th..thanksgiving day..I got a heavier flow late that evening...and Friday was a full on heavy flow..I was soo sad..I called the fertility nurse on Friday because I was supposed to go in and get the second pregnancy test done that day. I told the nurse that my period had started and if i still needed to come in. She said yes and that I could wait until like Saturday to get it done. I went in on Saturday at my regular clinic's lab to get it done..the nurse specified for the lab to fax the results over right away and of course as always they did not..so I had to wait until Monday to get the results..Monday the nurse called me and confirmed..negative..my beta HCG levels had dropped down to 3..eck...well I guess at that point I sort of expected it..but a little part of me still held on to the hope of maybe I was shedding one embryo and the other one was taking a little longer to implant..and I could still be pregnant.. ahhh I was just kidding myself I know..oh well... big sigh to all of that..time to move on.

This past Thursday I got a call from my fertility Dr. it was very nice of her to call and check up on me..she wanted to tell me she was thinking of me and to say she was sorry that we didn't get pregnant and answer any questions I might have..I asked her if maybe I didn't absorb the Progesterone well enough to help maintain the pregnancy since i decided to switch to suppositories from the shots..they never tested my progesterone levels to check if I was absorbing or getting enough Progesterone..she told me that it was very unlikely that some clinics do test and some don't..that is isnt a standard practice in some clinics..I don't know she sounded very sure that it was unlikely that I wasn't getting enough progesterone...its was probably nature deciding that the embryos were not good enough to make babies...mostly they don't really know why some don't take. :( Oh and I asked her quickly about putting in the three frozen embryos and she of course strongly was against it..so we will see..we may only put in 2.

I'm doing okay now..was feeling depressed there for a while..it was really hard to suppress my tears and to hide my obvious disappointment and heart break...but feel like im okay now...I spoke to a counselor that the clinic offers...and she helped some....I am still sad about it and tear up on occasion especially when I allow myself to go back and think about it....but like my other two pregnancy losses I am learning to deal with it..I can work on trying to move on..I still think about them and get really sad..of course..because I think wow that could of been our two kids if they would of been normal pregnancies..we would have two kids by now...oh well....we have a couple more tries.. the third try, which will be for our single frozen embryo, will be with much financial sacrifice since we are only covered for one frozen embryo transfer if the fresh transfer didnt work. But well we will have to see..its too far out to even think about it now. I need to focus on my first Frozen Embryo Transfer..I made an appointment to see my Dr. again on January the 9th...so we can start preparations for it.. For the month of DEC I am just going to not worry about it and just enjoy my month off ;)..we are also going to speak to someone at some point about the adoption process...hopefully they can guide us on successfully adopting Domestically or Internationally..if we are not successful this second time around...till next time. Aracely